Unlocking the Secrets: 4 Mind-Blowing Habits of Emotionally Savvy People That Could Change Your Life!
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Have you ever wondered why some people seem to understand themselves inside and out, while others flounder in confusion? Well, what if I told you that self-awareness isn’t some mystical gift bestowed upon a select few, but a skill that can be honed and perfected over time? Like fine-tuning a guitar rather than relying solely on an inherent talent for music. In today’s cosmic landscape—where Mercury is retrograde and emotions can run wild—it’s the perfect time to explore how to cultivate your mental and emotional self-awareness. Get ready to discover practical habits that can transform your daily interactions and deepen your understanding of yourself, because let’s face it, the journey inward is often more enlightening than any outside escapade. Check it out and elevate your self-awareness game! LEARN MORE.
As a psychologist, I get asked about mental & emotional self-awareness all the time. Here’s the most important thing most people don’t understand about it: Self-awareness isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build through practice. And the best way to practice being more mentally & emotionally self-aware is to build habits that encourage it.
Self-aware people are curious about their own minds and how they work. They frequently think about their thoughts and thinking patterns. Technically, this is called metacognition. It means you are aware of the fact that you’re thinking things and able to assess the quality and usefulness of that thinking.
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For example, people often say things like: I just got so worried and I couldn’t stop thinking of all the bad things that might happen. And before I knew it, I was in the middle of a panic attack.
In reality, worry is something you do, not something that happens to you. It’s a habitual pattern of thinking that leads to tremendous anxiety and stress. But without the habit of thinking about your thinking, it feels like something that just happens to you.
On the other hand, if you‘re in the habit of thinking about your thinking, you’d notice that worry is actually an activity and something you do. And as a result, it’s something you can, with practice, not do — or at least not do nearly so much of.
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“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” ― Carl Jung
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Mentally & emotionally self-aware people have the humility to understand that they can’t always see themselves objectively. And they know that often the best way to be more objective about yourself is through the lens of other people.
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The trick here is that there is no trick: If you want to see yourself through other people’s eyes, you must ask. It’s that simple.
What gets in the way of most of us asking for feedback is that we’re afraid of getting bad news. The most direct way through this fear is to ask yourself: Would I rather have a small but intense blast of criticism now or years and decades of nagging self-doubt and underhanded criticism that come from avoiding facing my shortcomings?
One of the best ways to improve your self-awareness is to get objective feedback from other people. But in order to do this, you must be willing to tolerate the discomfort of receiving criticism and work to avoid defensiveness at all costs.
“You cannot swim for new horizons until you dare to lose sight of the shore.” ― William Faulkner
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When it comes to mental & emotional self-awareness, you can’t think your way into it. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with deliberate self-reflection. In fact, it probably will facilitate self-awareness to a degree.
But it won’t be sufficient for building self-awareness because we’re social creatures who learn primarily through each other. From babbling out our first words as toddlers to graduating from college, most of our learning happens socially — toddlers imitate their parents just as students imitate their mentors and advisors.
The quest for self-knowledge is a fundamentally social endeavor. But simply being around other people won’t do the trick. True mental & emotional self-awareness comes from genuine interaction with other people — from conversation. But to get there, you need to be able to listen. To really listen.
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The key to gaining meaningful self-awareness through listening is to manage your own thoughts during a conversation. It’s hard to truly listen when you’re formulating your own ideas and only halfway paying attention to theirs.
This means building the habit of being a good listener is mostly about learning to undo unhelpful habits. Practice letting go of your own narcissistic impulses and cultivating curiosity instead. Ironically, by bending your attention outward, you’re far more likely to stumble on something useful about yourself.
“There’s a lot of difference between listening and hearing.” ― G. K. Chesterton
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It always surprises me how judgmental people are with themselves, especially for something they have no direct control over — their emotions. It doesn’t make any sense to pass moral judgment on something you can’t control. This is why in the legal system no one gets sent to prison for feeling really angry; you only get convicted and punished if you act on that feeling in a way that harms others.
You can’t control your emotions, only your actions. So we all know intellectually that judging ourselves for how we feel doesn’t make any sense. And yet, we still do it constantly:
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You wouldn’t judge other people for having brown hair, green eyes, or an alcoholic father because none of those things are under their control. So why are you judging yourself for how you feel when it’s not something you can control?!
But being judgmental of your own emotions doesn’t just make sense; it obscures your self-awareness: If you’re constantly judging your emotions, you won’t have any energy left to understand them.
The solution is to learn to observe your emotions and notice them without passing judgment on them. And the best way to get started with this is to practice labeling your emotions with simple, plain language.
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Anytime you feel upset, instead of avoiding the feeling or glossing over it with vague language like “I’m stressed” or “I’m overwhelmed,” try describing how you feel like a child would:
When you get in the habit of describing your emotions in plain, ordinary language — rather than intellectualizing them — you’ll find that you have a clearer insight into those emotions and how to respond to them healthily.
“Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself.”
― David Taylor-Klaus
Nick Wignall is a psychologist and writer sharing practical advice for emotional health and well-being. He is the founder of The Friendly Minds newsletter.
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