Understanding how someone manages their anger could be the key to saving your future relationship—especially if you’re thinking long-term. Divorce attorney Nina Clark certainly knows this all too well! While we often showcase our best selves during those thrilling early dates, real emotions can lurk just beneath the surface. If your date has a penchant for channeling their frustrations into destructive habits, like punching holes in walls, you might want to take a step back. After all, we can’t always rely on the stars to guide us through tumultuous emotions; maybe it’s time to consider what that anger really signifies! Curious about the warning signs? Trust me, you won’t want to miss this! LEARN MORE.
How a person handles their anger is a good thing to know before getting seriously involved, and divorce attorney Nina Clark would undoubtedly agree. The problem is it’s not always easy to tell.
Most people are putting on the best version of themselves during the early stages of dating. That can make it difficult to really figure out whether this person is for you, but Clark shared that if they have a particularly destructive anger habit, it might be time to reconsider how invested you are in anything long-term.
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“I’m a divorce attorney, and you’ll never be able to convince me that someone is your soulmate once I find out that they punched a hole in your wall,” Clark insisted in her video.
Clark’s initial video garnered a bit of backlash from men in particular, who felt slighted, insisting that she was only referring to men being “wall punchers.” Addressing the backlash, Clark insisted that her warning went for any gender, not just men.
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“So tell me why I made a video about wall punchers and I didn’t use any gendered language in the video. I had all these men in my comments calling me sexist. Why are we assuming it’s only men that are hitting walls?” Clark questioned. “I think that’s sexist, making that assumption because women can punch holes in walls too.”
Clark explained that she’s seen it in her line of work as a divorce attorney. She’s seen a woman hit a man with a vacuum before, and so issuing a warning about unhealthy anger was her speaking about anyone and everyone.
Vitaly Gariev | Pexels
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Most people think punching a wall isn’t being abusive at all. But more often than not, those who punch walls around their significant other aren’t that far off from possibly doing physical harm at some point in the future.
Anger management expert Bernard Golden said that, through his years of working with clients, he’s learned how to spot healthy expressions of anger. He described some of those behaviors, which included observing and experiencing anger without being overwhelmed by it or reacting to it, and recognizing that anger is a signal to explore the feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations that precede it.
If you’re with someone who punches walls, it’s not far off to assume that they don’t have healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with their anger. That has the potential to be dangerous.
It’s fair to expect that your soulmate, if angry, would be able to have the emotional regulation needed to talk things out or walk away and cool off without resorting to some form of physical display of violence.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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