"10 Excuses Women Make for Mr. Wrong: Is It Love or Just a Cosmic Case of Bad Judgment?"
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Navigating the swirling cosmos of love and relationships can be as tricky as finding a parking spot at a Hollywood premiere—sometimes, you end up clinging to a space you know isn’t right for you. Have you ever found yourself making excuses for a partner everyone else seems to dislike? Trust me, it happens to the best of us. Often, behind those justifications lies a galaxy of unresolved issues—perhaps stemming from childhood or feeling manipulated by your significant other. The stars might inspire new beginnings, but too often, we let past investments weigh us down. Are you ready to examine those excuses you make for your partner’s bad behavior? Let’s dive into some common rationalizations that may be keeping you tied to a person who’s less than stellar. Get cozy, because this journey through love, heartbreak, and self-discovery is just getting started! LEARN MORE.
It’s hard to let go of a relationship you’ve spent many years building, especially when other people have told you they don’t like the person you’re with. But there comes a time when women protecting the terrible men just start to sound like they’re making excuses.
Maybe she didn’t fully heal from her childhood issues, maybe caused by her father’s abandonment or critical nature. Or maybe she is being tightly controlled by this man. Regardless of the reason, when a woman starts making excuses like these for her boyfriend or husband, it’s a big sign something is wrong.
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Everybody has bad days in which they say or do things they later regret. Maybe he’s hangry or just got bad news. But there’s a difference between having a bad day and consistently being rude and disrespectful.
Good people who act out almost always apologize and do their best not to repeat themselves. However, men who don’t treat women right will continue to act the same way, even if they promised never to do it again. The worst part? They know they’ll be forgiven.
According to one study published in PLOS One, people who think they can get away with something tend to show their worst side to disagreeable people. So, while women might try to excuse their partner’s bad behavior because they don’t want to leave, at some point, there’s a need to draw the line.
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Girl, no. He should love you right there on the surface and deep down inside. This is a terrible thing to settle for!
At the start of the relationship, a woman’s partner would’ve done anything to see her smile. But looking to the past is bound to leave women feeling disappointed. He’s the man he is today. If you don’t like it, move on, because no amount of babying or excuse-making will fix him.
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In an effort to convince themselves they can still salvage their relationship, one of the phrases women say when they’re not being treated well but still don’t want to let go is “he’s just going through a lot.”
Well, we’re all going through a lot at some point in our lives, but that doesn’t mean we get to treat our partner’s poorly. A bad mood here and there? Yes, sure. But an apology will follow from a good man.
See, if he indulges his bad moods too much, or worse, blames his girlfriend or wife for his emotions, she’s not going to want to be around him. According to psychology professor Robert Enright, PhD, being disrespected by a partner leads to less time spent together.
That means that unless this man gets his act together and stops acting terrible, this relationship is likely going to fall apart anyway. Who wants to hang around someone acting so poorly?
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It’s understandable why women stay in relationships that no longer serve them. Often it pays off in the end, as they challenge their partner to do better, and if he rises to the occasion, they can grow together.
Unfortunately, too often it does not. Often they stay because they’re afraid of being alone or are turned off by their options in the dating world. And, to top it off, the brain doesn’t like change and the entire idea of breaking up is instinctually off-putting.
According to Keith M. Bellizzi, a professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, “The desire to be right combined with the brain’s protective mechanisms make it that much harder to change opinions and beliefs, even in the presence of new information.”
But in the long run, this rarely works out well, as many women find themselves growing increasingly resentful of their partner. This resentment leads to contempt, which spells the end for many relationships.
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Most people hate the thought of wasting time. If given the choice, they would much rather take the easy way out than waste years on a relationship that doesn’t work for them.
But there’s another type of wasted time that can get a woman stuck with a terrible guy. See, if she views the relationship as a big investment of time and energy, it might be hard to walk away because she’ll view their time together as a waste. It’s almost like an interpersonal version of the Sunk Cost Fallacy.
But how many years does someone need to waste before they put their foot down and say enough is enough?
When a man doesn’t treat his partner right, no amount of asking him to change will do the trick, no matter how long they’ve been together. In the end, if a woman wants to thrive and find happiness, letting go of the old to welcome in the new is a must.
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Saying your man isn’t as bad as another terrible man is not a reason to stay. After all, there will always be someone worse than the guy you’re with. The question is whether the guy you’re with is good enough for you, not if he’s better for you than, say, a serial killer or even the guy who regularly cheats.
If you hear a woman using this excuse, it’s also likely that it originates with her terrible man. No doubt he’s got it in her head that he’s better than most guys, and that most guys would treat her even worse.
This behavior comes down to being purposely manipulative. According to psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, “Manipulative people can play the victim, making you seem to be the one who caused a problem which they began but won’t take responsibility for. They can be passive-aggressive or nice one minute and standoffish the next, to keep you guessing and to prey on your fears and insecurities.”
While it might be difficult for someone to see the red flags, a trusted professional, along with family and friends, can notice these concerning behaviors a mile away.
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Yes, no relationship is perfect, and all relationships will have their fair share of bumps in the road, but by using this as a reason to stay with a man who doesn’t treat her well sells herself so short.
There’s a huge difference between imperfectly healthy and just unhealthy. Men who yell or mistreat their partner aren’t just being imperfect, they’re being disrespectful. According to licensed psychologist Suzanne B. Phillips, disrespect often comes in the form of ignoring their partner, mocking, eye rolling, correcting them in public, and refusing to apologize.
While it’s important to keep in mind that their partner is far from perfect, it’s also equally important to be mindful of harmful behaviors; otherwise, women might just find themselves feeling stuck in a toxic relationship.
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I wish I could write one sentence here and leave it at that: No, you don’t know he’ll change.
People don’t change until they’re ready to change. It’s a nightmare when you realize this in real time, but it’s just a fact. You can push and set ultimatums, but he won’t change until he’s ready. In fact, some experts say pushing them to change makes it even less likely.
And how long will a woman who isn’t being treated right wait for him to come to that conclusion on his own?
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Is he, though? Is he actually doing his best? Is he going to therapy or at least in some sort of support group/men’s group to actively learn how to change and do better? Is he showing signs that he’s changing and making a strong effort toward treating you better?
I bet the answer is no.
When he slacks off, forgets, or simply doesn’t try after failing a few times, it becomes an excuse to break promises and not treat women right. And unfortunately, these women may be so desperate to stay in the relationship that they accept that something they know is far from his best.
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Women may think their relationship will change once a specific thing happens, whether that’s getting married, him getting a promotion, buying a house together, or (heaven forbid!) they have a baby. But if things don’t change, then nothing changes, right?
Marriage and babies can actually make things harder on couples. Nobody should wait until marriage or a baby to see if a man is going to treat his wife or partner better. It’s only going to get harder.
Things getting better depends entirely on what needs to get better in the first place. Is it finances, or is it something much deeper? Is it something practical like getting a new job, or something that can’t exactly be fixed like a personality flaw?
While it’s good to give their partner the benefit of the doubt, doing it too much will only end in heartbreak. And the longer they wait, the more disappointed and hurt a woman will be.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
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