Is Your BFF Secretly Giving Up on Happiness? These 4 Sneaky Signs Say Yes (And Astrology Might Blame Mercury)
Added on August 3, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever wonder why sometimes we sabotage our own happiness like a cosmic prankster? Well, whether Mercury’s in retrograde or it’s just Tuesday, there’s this sneaky thing called misery that messes with our joy — and not all misery is created equal. Some misery is necessary, like missing your family, giving life that bittersweet flavor. But then, there’s the unnecessary misery, the kind where you’re basically turning a molehill into Mount Everest over things that don’t deserve a second thought. Sound familiar? Let’s dive into the four oh-so-quiet ways people quietly quit valuing their happiness — and trust me, it’s more common than you think, especially when the stars seem to conspire against us. Ready to decode these behaviors and maybe stop the madness? LEARN MORE
In my short life so far, I’ve realized something truly crucial. There are two types of misery that prevents a person from valuing their own happiness:
There are two ways people go easy on themselves — by telling themselves that it’s okay that they didn’t do what they promised themselves. For instance, when a student sets a high study target for a day but then at night, he tells himself that “it’s okay” that he didn’t finish it.
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By making more reasonable promises instead. For instance, a student who sets a decent yet doable study target for the day — but completes it before going to bed. The first way is a horrible way to go easy on yourself.
Firstly, people’s egos and lack of self-awareness make them set difficult promises. Then, when they inevitably fail to achieve them, they tell themselves that “it’s okay” — again to protect their ego. Two strikes.
This “it’s okay” spares them from feeling bad at the moment. However, when this happens over and over again, it leads to lowered self-belief as, eventually, your word means nothing to you. This leads to misery that could have easily been avoided. How?
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When you want to go easy on yourself, do so by making reasonable promises. Keep them. Let your self-belief build. Slowly make bigger promises to yourself and create an upward spiral to success.
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Your life is like a Google document — and you’re writing a story. The mistake most people make is that they’ve given editing rights to everyone. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry can waltz in and edit your emotions.
We desire to fit in and “be liked,” which makes us vulnerable to these events. However, the essence of living a great life today is to learn to reject the instincts that no longer serve you. To that end, here’s what your emotional document should be like.
Only a few selected people — like your family and close friends — should have the right to influence your emotions. If they do something wrong — and you feel bad, it’s understandable. However, if Mike from H.R. — whose last name you cannot recall — says something about you and you start questioning your whole existence — that’s just … unnecessary.
If your happiness hinges on others’ opinions and approval, you may be relying excessively on external validation. A 2022 study explained that this can lead to emotional instability, as your self-worth fluctuates with others’ feedback. Seeking validation in moderation is normal, but excessive reliance can hinder the development of a strong internal sense of self and resilience
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If your whole life were a picture, a day or a part of your life would be a pixel. In keeping with the metaphor, a huge mistake people make is that they compare their lives on the level of pixels.
For instance, a person who’s having a rough day opens his Instagram and watches what his friends are doing. Naturally, since people only post their “highs” on social media, he ends up comparing his worst day to people’s best day. And that’s unfair.
Comparison is hardwired in our brains. So even if you have a tough time stopping comparisons altogether, at least learn to do it a bit more rationally. If you compare yourself to others on a pixel level — and that, too, comparing your worst pixels to other people’s best pixels — it’s a sign that you’re an unnecessarily miserable person.
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This behavior, often rooted in social comparison theory, can lead to decreased self-esteem, increased anxiety and depression, and a sense of dissatisfaction with one’s own life. When we focus on what others have that we lack, it can diminish our sense of self-worth and make us feel inadequate.
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Most dictionaries — and people — define failure as “a lack of success.” But this doesn’t take into consideration that failures teach you a lot. And these lessons can be used to propel yourself toward success.
A better definition of failure is “a prerequisite to success.” This means that failures get you closer to success because. Sure. Duh. This makes sense to you. But do you have this perspective when you fail?
Most people understand logically that failures teach them, but they aren’t able to remember this emotionally when they fail. And hence, they suffer more than what’s necessary. The delta, of course, equals unnecessary misery.
If you’re one such person, it’s a sign that you have unnecessary misery. You can reduce this misery by trying to remember the second definition of failure in such moments. And, even with the better definition of failure, you’ll still feel some pain — but that’ll be much more manageable than with the pain induced by the first definition.
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When an individual links their self-worth directly to their achievements, they are more vulnerable to negative emotional responses when faced with setbacks. Research indicates that those with a strong need to maintain high self-esteem might dismiss negative feedback or attribute failures to external factors, potentially hindering personal growth and accurate self-assessment.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text “HELLO” to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
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Akshad Singi, M.D., has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, and more.
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