Is it just me, or does that innocent swipe through parents bragging about their kids online sometimes feel like stumbling into a cosmic soap opera? You know, like Mercury’s in retrograde and suddenly ego-driven parents are out here broadcasting every single finger-paint masterpiece as if it’s the Mona Lisa? On the surface, sharing your kid’s milestones seems all sunshine and rainbows—a proud parent’s joy ride. But scratch beneath that curated Insta-perfect moment, and you might find a swirling mess of insecurities, comparison anxiety, and a desperate quest for validation dressed up as love. It’s less “Look at my kid!” and more “Look at me through my kid!”—a universal parental Kryptonite that sometimes even the stars can’t save. So, what really drives these digital declarations of childhood glory? Let’s dive into the 11 not-so-secret insecurities behind parents who just can’t stop bragging online. LEARN MORE.
On the surface, it seems sweet that parents post about their children online, praising them for milestones and expressing their pride. The intentions come across as pure and all about the child, but this is rarely ever the case, especially for parents who make a profit from their kids. Because, unfortunately, parents use this as a mechanism to receive validation and feel better about themselves.
Whether it’s comparison anxiety or feeling jealous towards other families, parents who brag about their kids online usually have these private insecurities. These insecurities have everything to do with how well of a parent they feel they are or how they can feel superior to other parents. Often, it’s usually just a way for them to live vicariously through the accomplishments of their children.
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Vicariously living through their children is one way many parents cope with the private insecurities they face. When a parent feels insecure about their own accomplishments, they are likely to brag about their kid’s successes online, sometimes even blowing them out of proportion.
A parent who does this is in desperate need of validation and a sense of approval from others. They hope that by praising their kids for their accomplishments, they will feel a boost in their own self-esteem.
According to social psychologist Susan Newman, “Many parents will admit that often, their egos swell even when their children are the ones who earn achievements. It’s not a stretch to conclude that fulfilling our urge to brag about them could be just as gratifying as bragging about ourselves.”
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Parents who brag about their kids online usually doubt their own parenting skills and harbor it as one of many private insecurities. They will use bragging online as a way to show others that they are actually doing a good job as a parent and are hoping to receive some validation.
As psychotherapist Deborah Hill Cone pointed out, this is a defense mechanism against their own mortality and unfinished passions. Their self-doubt drives them to overcompensate by trying way too hard to convince other people that they parent well, and they may even do this to try and mask the insecurities that they feel.
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When feeling low self-esteem and in need of an ego boost, some parents feel as though they know the best action to take: posting about how proud they are of their kids so they can receive all the glory and validation they require.
These parents have a fragile ego and are likely disconnected from their own identity. And because of their low self-esteem, they may “unknowingly create pressure on their kids by crafting an idealized image online of who their child is. That can lead to dips in self-esteem and self-worth,” as psychologist Susan Albers explained.
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For some parents, boasting about their children is more so about the image it portrays than it is about making their children feel seen. Some parents will do whatever it takes to make sure their children thrive, and feel it necessary to let the world know. This is all about creating the “perfect” image, and parents who brag about their kids online usually have these private insecurities.
These parents will force the success of their children purely so they earn bragging rights and can feel better about themselves. “The parents, who were not stars, are living vicariously through their children and pressuring them to succeed. Many parents are bragging to show the world how awesome a parent they must be because their child is so successful,” explains author and keynote speaker Andrew Wittman.
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When some parents feel inadequate and constantly dictate their self-worth based on how they compare to others, they may use their children as a way to cope with that comparison anxiety. Online, they are able to see how successful other parents seem based on how well their children are doing, and in order to boost their self-esteem, they brag about their children as well.
According to coach Caitlin Harper, “Since idealistic information presented through social media has increased social comparison norms, the more time people spend on social media, the more likely they would believe that others have better lives and are happier and more successful, reducing their self-esteem.”
So, while some parents believe their comparison anxiety will get better as they boost their children on social media, it may actually make things worse. They are constantly finding ways to compare themselves to others by being present on social media.
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For parents who fear being judged as a bad parent, they view bragging about their children online as a form of anxiety relief. Online they are able to compete with other parents and achieve a sense of accomplishment through the validation of others. This is the way they cope with their fear.
Instead of blatantly bragging about themselves to highlight their good parenting, they draw all the attention to their children. This way, everything feels more sincere. They may even view the act of bragging about their child as another reason why they are a good parent. However, this bragging has the potential to be very bad for their children and may make them feel as though their accomplishments are not their own, as lifestyle expert Ashley Roper explained.
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If a parent has unresolved childhood issues, like never getting to live out their dreams or never feeling like their accomplishments were valued or noticed, they may try to live vicariously through their children. This can include behaviors like posting about their kids online or trying to force their kids to perform for the camera. They push their children to succeed at things they wish they had when they were younger.
It becomes all about them achieving their own glorification and working through the struggles they’ve faced. But parents should consider the impact that bragging will have on their children. Licensed psychologist Dr. Julie Powell Thomas suggests that when praising children, the focus should always be on the effort they put into achieving things, rather than focusing purely on the success itself.
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Parents who use the achievements of their children as a symbol of their status and identity usually struggle with jealousy of other parents. By bragging about their children online, they know that other parents will see all the good their kids have done and hope it will reflect their parenting in a positive way.
They use their children as an extension of their ego and make their children’s successes a validation point for them. Instead of truly being proud of their children, their motive is to compare themselves to other parents and compete.
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Parents who brag about their kids online usually have a need for control, which can be one of many private insecurities they struggle with. When a parent has an ideal picture of their life engraved in their mind, they will do whatever is necessary to make it a reality. They want to control the narrative and the perception of others.
However, by doing this and excessively posting and bragging about their children on social media, they are creating unrealistic expectations for their kids. It eventually makes it difficult for their children to ever feel a true sense of accomplishment, and they may even go their whole life feeling like they never measure up.
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Possessing a deep-seated need for external validation may drive a parent to brag way too often about their children. This behavior can occasionally be referred to as “narcissism by proxy.” This is when a parent will use their kid’s accomplishments to highlight their own self-worth and make it seem as though they are their own personal successes.
“Periodically, the child might briefly be put on display as an object for parental self-enhancement, but the narcissistic parent is unable to tolerate sustained diversion of attention to the child. For the narcissist, attention is a crucial commodity in a zero-sum game,” clinical psychologist Mark Zaslav said. This can often lead to a child feeling like they have to share their accomplishments, even when they were the ones solely responsible for achieving them.
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To alleviate their own insecurities about parenting and relieve their need for competition, some parents choose to brag excessively about their kids online. They act as though parenting is a project of theirs that they must display to others in order to obtain approval and validation.
They use social media to gauge how successful of a parent they are based on the successes of other parents. But when they compete with other parents, it robs their kids of what they need most.
As Newman explained, “Raising children should not be a competition as much as it feels that way. You can’t control what other parents do and say, but you can adjust your own thinking and reactions. Doing so will help you avoid being swept up in the competition and you’ll be less worried and stressed about your own parenting decisions.”
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
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