How Mentally Strong Folks Keep Their Cool When Life’s Hotter Than Mercury in Retrograde — And Why You’re Still Losing Your Sh*t!
Added on December 5, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever wonder if being kind to yourself might just trump thinking you’re the best? It turns out self-compassion could be the secret sauce we’ve all been overlooking, especially in a world that loves to pit us against each other like it’s some cosmic reality show. As Mercury dances through nuanced conversations this week, maybe it’s the perfect cosmic cue to stop the self-competition and start giving ourselves a break. After all, self-esteem often feels like a rollercoaster of highs and lows — but self-compassion? That’s the steady friend who sticks around when the spotlight dims. Curious if these two inner voices are more frenemies or soulmates? Let’s unpack why embracing a softer inner dialogue might just be the game changer you didn’t know you needed. LEARN MORE.
Is self-compassion more important than self-esteem? Studies suggest that it is. Growing up, I learned that self-esteem was critical, but the idea of self-compassion was less focused upon. Do they mean the same thing? Are they both important?
Self-concept is your view of yourself. It is how you see yourself without applying judgment: simply the facts. Our attributes and capabilities, and the roles we play, are components of our self-concept. Self-esteem is how you feel about who you are, positively or negatively.
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In today’s competitive culture, we tend to compare ourselves to other people (or sometimes to ourselves at another time). Our self-esteem is based on our perception of whether we are good or bad at various skills, and how we compare to others. “He’s better than me, I’m the best in my class, etc.”
Here’s the challenge: for most of us, this competitiveness and comparison often puts us in a “less-than” or inferior position. This leads to feeling self-critical, rejected, and generally unhappy — which can affect how we react to things.
Are you focused on competing with yourself and others? How does it help to compare yourself? What happens when you allow yourself (and everyone) to simply have experiences, opportunities, and challenges instead of making it a competition?
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Researchers keep finding that it’s not the amount of what you have that matters; it’s how much you have compared to everyone around you. Which means comparison puts you on a treadmill you can never win.
Self-compassion works differently. It’s been linked to more stable self-worth over time, with less dependence on whether you’re currently succeeding or failing.
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Typically, with close friends, you’re honest and direct when called for, but you don’t go out of your way to kick them when they are down or rub their noses in their mistakes and failures.
Replace the “Are you kidding me?” with a pep-talk, a hug, an “atta-girl” or something more uplifting and supportive. When you get stuck in self-criticism, ask yourself, “What would my best friend say right now?”
How many of the seven billion people on the planet have missed an appointment, said something unkind, lost a job, or done something they later regretted? This isn’t to minimize what you experienced, but to understand that what happened is just part of being human. You’re not the only one making mistakes, so be kind to yourself.
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When you remember that everyone is struggling with something, your own mess starts to feel less isolating. You’re not uniquely broken; you’re just human. And that shift in perspective does more than make you feel better in the moment, research has shown.
People who practice self-compassion tend to be happier, more satisfied with their lives, and have stronger relationships. They also experience less anxiety and depression. Turns out, being kinder to yourself isn’t self-indulgent. It’s one of the most practical things you can do for your mental health.
There is a meditation where you focus on a problem, and then expand it to a larger perspective: the problem is part of me, who is one person, in one town, in one state, in one country, on one planet, in one solar system, in one galaxy. When I try to “see” my problem while I’m looking at the vast field of stars and planets, it becomes much smaller and less meaningful.
In one study, researchers had people reflect on the “cosmic calendar,” where the entire history of the universe gets condensed into a single year, and a human life spans just a fraction of a second. Instead of making people feel depressed or hopeless, this perspective actually increased their life satisfaction and ability to cope while decreasing anxiety. The benefits came from feeling small in the context of something vast, not from feeling like nothing matters.
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While not directly transferable, having compassion for others is a good practice to get into. I have a great deal of compassion for my daughter, and when I remember that there is a ten-year-old girl inside me who feels the same rejection and pain that she feels (even if it is for different reasons), I can often switch my perspective and increase my compassion for myself.
As humans, one of our primary needs is to feel connected, like we “belong.” Your natural tendency to compare and isolate yourself from everyone else is in direct conflict with this. My challenge to you: Take notice when you fall short on self-compassion. Instead, try a little tenderness.
Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster, founders of ImpactADHD®, teach/write about practical strategies for parents of complex kids with ADHD and related challenges.
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