Unbothered and Thriving: The 5 Secrets Happy People Swear By (And Why You’re Missing Out)
Added on December 4, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever wondered if you could Marie Kondo your memories—keep the warm fuzzies and toss out the emotional junk? Well, turns out you actually can, thanks to something fancy called cognitive reframing. It’s like giving your past a fresh coat of paint, and honestly, it might be just what the stars ordered. As Mercury wiggles through its dance today, nudging us to rethink and reorder, there’s no better time to ask: can shifting how we see our old stories truly jazz up our now? Twenty years ago, with two tiny humans in tow, I landed in Anchorage, Alaska, ready to hustle through life’s curveballs. Fast forward, I’m clearing out mental closets and realizing that letting go of old “struggle” vibes might just be the plot twist my life—and relationships—needed. So here’s the kicker: what parts of your life’s script are you still clutching onto, and aren’t you just a little curious about the freedom in rewriting them? LEARN MORE.
As a grown adult, you’ve accumulated enough life perspectives and stories that impact your current expectations of life. Some may be quite unpleasant. Occasionally, reframing your past is good for your mental health. It’s like cleaning out the closet of your beliefs, keeping what fits, and gleefully throwing out what you no longer need. Cognitive reframing is defined as “a technique used to shift your mindset so you’re able to look at a situation, person, or relationship from a slightly different perspective.”
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Does changing your perspective on the past and reframing it really help you live a better life now? Twenty years ago, I was flying into Anchorage, Alaska. I had an 11-month-old daughter and a three-year-old daughter sitting next to me. I was excited and a little nervous about the next chapter of my life.
My focus was on providing for my daughters. As a single parent, I planned on overcoming any challenges on my path. My mindset of hard work and challenges cast a deep shadow on the life I created in the 49th state. I’ve decided to clean the closet in my mind and do a quick reframing of my last 20 years. A large factor is that my husband still spends much of his time in Alaska. In fairness to our relationship, I need to let go of the challenge mindset.
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There’s no coincidence in life. I also received a call from a client struggling with her emotions. Her youngest child moved out this week. It’s perfect timing for her to check in on her belief system and receive guidance for moving forward.
For some people, it’s easy to focus on the struggles and not the accomplishments and good experiences. Sometimes, I find myself reflecting on what I didn’t like, not the accomplishments of the past 20 years. The past challenges are not part of my current life. Focusing on what I have created with my family is much more satisfying.
Interestingly, our brains are naturally wired to do this. Research shows that criticism and negative experiences affect us about five times more powerfully than praise, which explains why one bad memory can overshadow dozens of good ones.
My client can be helped by releasing her past mindset of believing she needed to fight for her survival and even love. Now, she can focus on the beautiful independent life she has the opportunity to enjoy. Her fight is over. She has successfully raised independent adult children and also has a bright career path.
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Due to my mindset on how to raise and protect children in a challenging environment, I helped create some stressful situations. Our family life was focused on work and overcoming obstacles. Luckily, this mindset has shifted in the last ten years.
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Recognizing the current ease in my life will help me recreate my Alaska story — or, at least, my relationship with the last 20 years of my family life. My client looks back on her life with the idea of loss, hard work, and loneliness. She’s also experienced a beautiful shift in her possibilities, is now making friends, and has created a support network.
She can also view her adult children as successful. The practice of sending her children love, no strings attached, will be life-changing. Notice that both my client and I will be focusing only on our personal perceptions, not what other people are thinking or doing. You can’t change the actions and beliefs of others; only your individual expectations create your personal world experiences.
Nothing is all bad or all good unless you make it that way. Some of your journey was enjoyable and easy, while other aspects might not have been. It’s valuable to recognize the hardships and negative feelings and look at what came out of them, just as it’s important to celebrate the wins. Holding onto hardship is not a requirement in life.
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Psychologists call this “post-traumatic growth,” and research shows roughly half to two-thirds of people who go through difficult experiences end up reporting positive changes afterward, including a deeper appreciation for life and a greater sense of personal strength. Part of this involves “positive reframing,” which means thinking about a challenging situation in a more positive way, like identifying what you learned or finding something to be grateful for even within a difficult chapter.
In my personal story, I had many good times and accomplishments in Alaska. I got married and, together, we raised our daughters and even had a third child. I also experienced a major spiritual transformation in my life. These are what I think of when reframing the past. I’m letting go of the struggles and disappointments.
My client put herself through college while being a single mom with several young children. She now has a degree, owns a home, and has the rest of her life creating loving relationships with herself and others. Focusing on her accomplishments that came from hard work will leave less room for staying in the pain.
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Important people in your life may have done things or said things, but it wasn’t about you. They were reacting to their personal perceptions of life. In my story, I can get lost in my mindset of not feeling well in Alaska. If I look at the wholeness of my family, this experience was not just about me. We were all impacted by a variety of mindsets about wellness.
I celebrate that we each have choices to create lifestyles where we thrive. My client had some people in her life who were unkind and not loving. This was not about her. She chose a partner who didn’t know how to love. The lack of love vibrated through the family. This can be changed now. She’s no longer with that partner, so she can now create new loving relationships.
What do you want to take with you? Start by creating a loving story. Look back and carefully select the memories and mindset you are bringing forward. It’s time to let go of the heavy past and create new dreams. If there’s something you’re not ready to let go of, ask yourself why.
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We all give weight to some memories over others when we think about our lives. The best part is that you get to choose which ones matter most. Research shows that people who find meaning in their hardships and tell their life stories with a sense of personal agency tend to have better mental health and overall well-being.
In my personal story, celebrating where each one of my family members is on their individual journey is what I’m keeping, but I’m not ready to let go of the dark Alaskan winters. My client is having a hard time feeling rejected by her adult children. To help her feel good now, she can remember her children as young and loving. She can also focus on loving and respecting herself.
As this self-respect and love fill up her life, it will spill over into all her relationships. This might even help her heal the past in ways she never expected. As I leave Alaska and fly home to Arizona with my son, I think about how much my life has changed. Not only am I flying in the opposite direction, but I’ve also released my idea that life is a struggle.
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I am no longer holding on tightly to my children and the belief that I am solely responsible for their wellness. The landscape of my life is completely different from twenty years ago. I basically am living my dream life, with my family by my side. My toes are just touching the beginning of my next twenty years.
I feel the sweet dreams and beautiful adventures calling me. My loved ones are near. There will be new family members to welcome and both personal and family successes to celebrate. I am the creator of my journey, and I love watching my family create their beautiful, healthy life stories.
Polly Wirum is a spiritual coach and psychic. She teaches clients how to discover their truth through psychic readings, astrological readings, and intuitive life coaching. She offers guided meditation and, in some cases, guided exploration of past lives.
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