Is Your Relationship Secretly Running on Empty? These 6 Shocking Truths Might Just Save the Love Train!
Added on November 5, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever get that gnawing feeling in your gut whispering, “Something’s missing”? Like when Mercury retrogrades and everything just… feels off — except you can’t quite put your finger on the cosmic glitch? Well, turns out, this isn’t just the universe playing tricks; it’s the #1 complaint couples bring me when they’re tangled up in what feels like a relationship Bermuda Triangle. They point to the usual suspects — intimacy, communication — but scratch beneath the surface, and it’s rarely those. No, the real “something” is sneakier, like a shadow lurking just beyond the spotlight. So, what’s truly going on when you and your partner sense that elusive void? Strap in, because we’re about to unpack six surprising reasons your relationship might feel like a half-baked screenplay — and what you can do to rewrite the ending. LEARN MORE
“Something is missing!” This is the number one statement couples make when they come to my office for counseling and marriage advice. Maybe you’ve even said the same thing about your own relationship. Surprisingly, few of these couples can actually name what the elusive “something” is.
They reach for surface answers: Intimacy is missing. Communication is missing. But then they quickly acknowledge these things aren’t truly the answer. Something deeper is absent. And to their great frustration, they can’t say what. They just know, in their gut, something isn’t right here.
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Let me offer some insight on what’s really going on when you and your partner say “something is missing” in your relationship. Once you better understand what’s really going on, it’s time for the two of you to talk honestly about your next steps.
You’re in the relationship … kind of. You committed in your mind, but not fully in your heart. Perhaps one of you is regularly asking for more, and the other is reflexively withdrawing, withholding, or acting micro-aggressively. This often happens without us even realizing it.
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Either way, you’re constantly dancing around each other, one of you always chasing the other, trying to pin them down.
fizkes via Shutterstock
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How did your relationships begin? Did one of you step into the relationship because the other person had the right set of characteristics, made a lot of money, was “hot” looking, or great in bed?
Or, perhaps they offered the right family connections or wielded prominence in a certain career. Or, maybe your partner seemed like a quick ticket out of town or a way out of a bad situation you felt stuck in.
If any of the above are true, you’re in a relationship of convenience, and one of you isn’t being honest about it.
Whether it was a parent, friend, or a mentor who ardently endorsed the connection between the two of you, if you aren’t in this relationship for you (if you don’t truly choose it and this person), get out now.
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It doesn’t matter whether the relationship makes your parents, your community, your neighborhood or even your dog happy. This relationship needs to be for you (and your partner) and nobody else!
You stepped into the relationship and then never knew how to step out. You didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Perhaps you worried that no one “better” would come along. Maybe staying with your partner felt easier because you didn’t want to lose connection with your tight circle of family or friends.
Not wanting to say “no” is not the same as enthusiastically saying “yes.” You’re not doing anyone any favors by sticking around.
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Dmytro Zinkevych via Shutterstock
Making a choice renders us vulnerable. It opens us up to the possibility of making a bad or wrong choice, of losing, of being rejected, or of ending up with nothing. So you say and do nothing, waiting for the other person to make a move first.
It may feel safer to let someone else choose for you. You think this lets you off the hook of being responsible for the outcome. After all, they chose, not you, so they can’t act disappointed or blame you.
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Wrong. You’re still responsible. They still feel hurt. And you will never feel good about the outcome when you know you opted for the “easy way out” via ambivalence.
Wanting more — out of life, out of love — makes you feel even more vulnerable to loss, failure, frustration, rejection, and disappointment. But hiding or denying what you truly want and desire (or passively hoping someone else will just magically give it to you) neither leads you to happiness nor protects you from disappointment.
You’re allowed to want more. You’re allowed to ask for more. And you’re allowed to leave the relationship if the person you’re with doesn’t support you in having it. But ultimately, you are responsible for claiming (and obtaining) what you want for yourself.
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So, what’s the next step?
The reality is, even if you or your partner didn’t truly, mindfully, and fully choose each other in the past, you still have the option of choosing each other.
Many couples happily shift from challenge to resolution, from distrust to trust, and from “something is missing” to deep, fully connected love. All it takes is the not-fully-in partner to straighten their spine and say, “You’re important to me! I may not have been fully in before, but I’m in now.”
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Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples therapy and domestic violence prevention.
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