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The Smiling Saboteur: How to Outsmart That ‘Nice’ Friend Who’s Secretly Messing With Your Vibe (And Your Stars)

Added on September 21, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS

Ever notice how some of the “nicest” people in your life somehow leave you feeling worse than when you started the convo? It’s like they hold onto this rigid “one way to live” rulebook—and oh, bless their hearts—they truly want the best for you, even if it means making you feel like you’ve missed the memo on life’s “correct” version. Today, with Mercury doing its own dance in the stars—stirring confusion and clarity all at once—it seems fitting to unravel this curious dance of kindness and discomfort. Navigating these interactions isn’t about winning or changing their minds; it’s about planting your own flag firmly with healthy boundaries so you don’t end up a frayed puppet on their strings. Curious how to keep your sanity intact and still cherish the good intentions behind those awkward moments? Let’s dive into some savvy strategies to deal with the “nice” people who secretly throw shade. LEARN MORE.

There are two characteristics that nice people who secretly make you feel bad share. First, they believe in a singular “right” way to live life, so it is difficult for them to see any other ways. Second, they want the best for you.

How you deal with it is by establishing healthy boundaries for yourself and not letting them pull your strings. Katherine Agronvich, Ph.D., explained, “If I accept someone’s negative opinion about me, feeling bad and insecure, I’m a puppet on countless strings, reacting to every remark, and I’m not. I am my own, real person.”

So, having a list of some dos and don’ts will make it a bit easier to handle that “nice” person whose actions don’t always feel good for you.

Here are 8 ways to handle the ‘nice’ person everyone loves — who secretly makes you feel bad:

1. Don’t try to educate them

Their frame of reference comes from their life experience, and they’re much more concerned that you’re not hearing them than they are they might be misinformed. If you are looking to have your truth respected, you need to hear and respect their truth as well.

2. Don’t discount their advice

Person's advice makes other feel bad shurkin_son via Shutterstock

They’re probably quite right in a lot of ways. They can offer a unique view of you and your choices that you cannot see on your own. Be thankful they dare to be honest with you. They have likely struggled with how to share the information with you.

3. Don’t walk away mad

Part of their insistence is a fear that they’re losing a connection with you. Giving up on the conversation feels like you’re giving up on them and may only make them push you harder. You don’t have to agree with them, but you can let them know you understand their point of view.

4. Don’t let them talk you out of your truth

You’re being guided to do your best work in life. And you often need to make hard, misunderstood decisions. Do not try to convince your people who secretly make you feel bad that your choices are best for you. The only person who really has to accept it is you.

5. Let them know they’ve been heard

Often, they feel like you’re just misinformed or naive about what is going on for them. To alleviate this, repeat back what they’ve said. This way, they know you take their input seriously and have heard and understood the information.

6. Point out where their choices were good for them

Person points out they feel bad PeopleImages.com – Yuri A via Shutterstock

People feel invalidated when you say you’re making a different choice from the one they made for themselves. They’re afraid you’re telling them they did something wrong (otherwise you’d be doing exactly what they tell you to do). Showing them you can see the benefit of their choices in the context of their lives calms their defensive position.

7. Set healthy boundaries

It’s okay to remind them that just because you’re not following their advice doesn’t mean you haven’t listened to them. If you need to set a boundary that the subject is off limits, that’s fine, too. Just make sure you’re consciously working on the relationship in other ways. These people can be incredibly valuable to your well-being.

8. Above all, let them know you still value them

Remember, they’ve invested so much in you. While they’re not necessarily looking for a return on investment, it sure helps to spell out to them exactly why they’re loved and appreciated in your life. As a study in the Journal of Personality stated, “being appreciative facilitates and enhances feelings of well-being and life satisfaction, as well as feelings of connection to what we have, to what we experience, and to life itself.”

More for You:

Love is always stronger than fear, and it will go a long way toward keeping and healing the relationships that mean the most to you.

Triffany Hammond helps dedicated women with a vision bring their powerful dreams to life.