7 Compliments That Secretly Drag You Down—And What Your Horoscope Says About Falling for Them
Added on June 23, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever notice how men’s flirting playbook might as well be a cosmic riddle wrapped in an enigma—with a side of “I’ll only share my fries if you order your own”? It’s almost like Venus and Mars got their signals crossed in today’s zodiac dance. While women are subtly taught to shy away, men are hammered with the “you gotta chase” mantra, which, let’s be honest, feels a little like being cast in a rom-com where the script was written by a Rubik’s Cube. Enter: negging — the chameleon of dating tactics where compliments come laced with a sprinkle of shade, leaving you scratching your head and wondering if you’ve just been emotionally mugged. It’s a manipulative move that disarms confidence faster than Mercury in retrograde messes with your texts. So, how do you spot these sly little digs before they wiggle their way into your self-esteem? Buckle up—we’re diving deep into the seven sneaky signs men might be negging you, all while the stars watch—and maybe even chuckle a little. LEARN MORE.
Men have truly odd notions of flirting etiquette. Many subconsciously perceive mate-feeding to be associated with showing more intimacy with their object of desire, while others are practically phobic about sharing the food on their plate and would rather pay for an extra order of the same dish — to each their own (in more ways than one).
Perhaps a more conventional concept, though still odd, is that while women are taught to run and hide, men are taught to chase and hunt. (In a more scientific context, men should always be the initiators, while women should be more discriminating.)
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It’s like an Impossible Rubik’s Cube that no level of dating prowess is guaranteed to be neg-proof. Negging, a “technique” promoted by self-proclaimed pick-up artists as a great way to meet women, has become practically ubiquitous. And if you don’t want to fall victim to the manipulative practice, you need to know what to watch for.
The idea of negging is to disarm a woman, knocking down her confidence with an unexpectedly negative remark disguised as a compliment, thus making her more susceptible to the romantic advances of a man she may not otherwise give the time of day.
According to dating coach Joe Amoia, negging is a form of emotional manipulation. “A person uses emotional manipulation to play off the weakness and insecurities of another to make themselves feel better or more powerful,” he says.
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Is it as awful as it sounds? Well, yes, very much so. In research published in the Journal of Aggression, Conflict and Peace Research, researchers described negging as “the purposeful lowering of a woman’s self-esteem to increase perceived attractiveness of the man to achieve a conquest” and warned that it “could escalate into an abusive intimate relationship.”
Unfortunately, because of how men and women are programmed when it comes to love and dating, negging is also alive and well, and it often works. Of course, that doesn’t make it any less offensive and despicable.
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Research shows that backhanded compliments trigger stronger feelings of social comparison than traditional compliments, highlighting the negative impact on self-perception. This technique aims to undermine someone’s confidence and create a dependency on the manipulator’s approval.
Research has found that the humor element of negging can leave you confused and questioning yourself. You might wonder if you’re being overly sensitive or if the comment was meant to hurt you.
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New Africa / Shutterstock
By belittling or diminishing the target’s achievements, experiences, or ideas, the negger attempts to momentarily lower their self-esteem and highlight their own perceived superiority. A 2017 study found that this behavior often stems from the negger’s insecurities or a need to feel important and validated.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.
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