When you think of the iconic character Pee-wee Herman, what pops into your head? For many of us who grew up in the ’80s, it’s likely the quirky charm, the oversized suits, and that unforgettable laugh. But behind the beloved façade lay a complex individual—Paul Reubens. His story, reaching beyond the realm of children’s television to a tapestry woven with personal struggles, challenges our understanding of fame and identity. As Reubens prepares to unveil his truth in the upcoming documentary Pee-wee as Himself, he reflects on the toll of public perception and the art of self-acceptance. What does it mean to truly be yourself in a world that often labels you differently? Dive into the multifaceted life of this entertainment legend, who, despite the highs and lows, reminds us that vulnerability can be empowering.

Reubens’ success as Pee-wee was undeniable. Throughout the 1980s, the character became a fixture on late-night television, landing the star his Emmy-winning children’s show, Pee-wee’s Playhouse, and two hit films. (A third, far less celebrated Pee-wee film came out in 2016, years after Reubens’ career collapsed following his 1991 arrest for indecent exposure.)

Though he refused to be public about his sexuality during his career, the actor told Wolf he had “many, many secret relationships” amid the height of his fame.

Despite refusing to come out as gay during his lifetime, Reubens decided to make his sexuality public in the posthumous documentary, which is crafted from 40 hours of interviews done prior to his death at the age of 70 in 2023 due to acute hypoxic respiratory failure.

The star, who was also fighting two forms of cancer and kept his diagnosis private during the last years of his life, told Wolf how working on Pee-wee as Himself gave him a chance to shape his own legacy after years of scandal, speculation, and gossip.

“More than anything, the reason I wanted to make a documentary was for people to see who I really am, and how painful and dreadful it was to be labeled something I wasn’t,” he told the filmmaker. “To be labeled a pariah; to have people be scared of you, or untrusting.”

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Remarking on his own mortality in the movie, Reubens said, “Death is just so final. To be able to get your message in at the last minute, at some point, is incredible.”

Pee-wee as Himself, a two-part documentary, will be released on HBO sometime later this year. 

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.

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