7 Sneaky Cosmic Clues You’re Crushing Growth Without Even Realizing It (Spoiler: It’s Not Just Your Star Sign)
Added on January 22, 2026 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever wondered if Mercury retrograde could be partly to blame for your messy love life? I mean, RuPaul said it best: “If you can’t love yourself, how are you gonna love somebody else?” and honestly, as much as I adore a good rom-com plot twist, self-love isn’t just some script you flip through—it’s the real deal, messy, complicated, and utterly necessary. Sure, you can fall for someone even when you’re your own worst critic (been there, done that with emotional cartwheels), but trying to nurture a healthy relationship without loving yourself? That’s like trying to bake a cake without flour—spoiler: it collapses. Relationships thrive on balance, and if you’re not watching your own back first, well, you might just end up carrying the entire emotional load solo. So, what does loving yourself really look like beyond the Insta-perfect self-care posts? How do you know you’re truly growing even when the mirror doesn’t give you a standing ovation? Buckle up, because I’m sharing seven glowing signs your self-love journey is working its magic—even if you can’t see it. And yes, they’re way more interesting than your morning horoscope! LEARN MORE
“If you can’t love yourself, how are you gonna love somebody else?” These beautiful words spoken often and beautifully by RuPaul have meant a lot to me for a long, long time. In part, these words resonated because they are absolutely true.
Can you fall in love with someone while hating yourself? Well, sure, love knows no bounds. But I’ll tell you this right now: if you’re looking for a healthy, happy, growing relationship, if you don’t know how to love yourself and don’t treat yourself with love and respect in every single romantic relationship, you will feel even worse about yourself.
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It makes sense, doesn’t it? Relationships can only work if the people in them work together to build each other up. If that balance is divided, one person is going to be doing most of the heavy lifting, and when things aren’t balanced and fair in relationships, it leads to some serious strain.
That’s right, just when you thought low self-esteem and your inner self-loathing couldn’t ruin things any more than they already have, now they’re spitting all over your chances at love. Awesome.
Here’s the thing, though — loving yourself isn’t a process that you ever just complete. You don’t wake up one morning and magically discover that you are flawless and you love every bit of yourself. For most of us, it’s a process, learning our goods and our bads and being able to understand that both are necessary to create a whole individual.
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Since the process of self-love is never-ending, it can be a bit confusing to think about what you have to have figured out about self-acceptance to get yourself into a relationship that will go the distance.
Before you can go into a relationship expecting success, you need to really have a handle on yourself as a person. Contrary to popular belief, loving yourself doesn’t mean ignoring your faults.
True love is seeing your faults, acknowledging them, and doing your best, knowing that your faults are just as important to who you are as are your strengths. None of us is without flaw. If you think that, maybe you should never date.
A study found that positive self-reflection predicted personal growth in ways that benefit your relationships. When you can acknowledge both your strengths and weaknesses and present yourself authentically, research shows people actually perceive you as more genuine and end up being more drawn to you rather than less.
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To my way of thinking, the worst things we do to each other when we date come from cowardice. Younger people are in no hurry to be honest with the people in their lives.
Yes, I like you, no, I’m not attracted to, it was great meeting you, I didn’t feel any sparks — these are all simple phrases that save you from having to play games with others, leaving them in a panic about what you really think and feel.
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Honesty might be hard, but it makes everything so much easier, particularly when it comes to engaging with people you hope to become romantically enmeshed with.
A lot of the time, there is a temptation to try to keep your baggage out of sight when you’re dating someone. That’s not treating you or the relationship with love and respect.
Until you can present your baggage, share it, and speak to how it has limited you and how you have grown from it, you aren’t ready for real love, end of story. Plus, sharing opens up a whole other gnarly level of intimacy, and isn’t that what we all want?
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Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who practice vulnerability and openness about past experiences report much higher levels of relationship satisfaction and intimacy. Sharing your history and how you’ve grown from difficult experiences creates what researchers call a vulnerability-intimacy cycle where opening up builds trust, and that trust then invites even deeper connection.
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If you exist in the world, then you’ve probably heard of the concept of “self-care,” but you might not exactly know how it applies to you. Here’s how: you’re a person, you need care. Take showers regularly, nurture yourself, meditate, sleep in, get a facial, go to bed on time — do whatever you need to do to treat your body and mind with all the rest and love that they deserve. If you can’t take care of yourself, there’s no way you’re going to be able to help take care of another person.
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Sometimes self-loathing can be paralyzing. It can be such a shock when people want to date you that you probably seldom stop to think if you actually want to be with them in the first place. Don’t do that. Know what you want. Until you can clearly express what you want and need in a partner as a person who is worthy of those things, then you aren’t ready for love.
People with a healthy sense of their own value experience greater relationship satisfaction and emotional stability because they’re not constantly seeking validation from their partner. Research suggests that when you have a clear sense of what you deserve and need, you naturally make better partner choices and select people who actually treat you well and align with your values.
If you really know how to love yourself, you know how to cut yourself some slack. More importantly, you know how to forgive yourself for mistakes or for choices that wound up being the wrong ones.
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If you can’t forgive yourself truly and honestly, then it’s going to make forgiving anyone else next to impossible, and without forgiveness, all our relationships are doomed.
You’ll know you’re in the right place when it comes to being love-ready when you are more than willing to go slow. When you don’t love yourself, every person you date becomes a challenge. You need to get this person to like you as soon as possible and lock them down as your significant other, or else. But relationships aren’t video games (sadly). You need to let things grow, see what evolves, and not put pressure on yourself or the other person.
People used to date before getting into exclusive relationships, and part of me thinks it would be better for all of us if we did that again. That way, when you actually know that you want to be in a relationship and you’re ready to be in one, you can start it up.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek with a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and true crime.
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