11 Sneaky Phrases Selfish People Drop Like Breadcrumbs—Can You Spot Them Before It’s Too Late?
Added on June 27, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever notice how some people seem to waltz through life with a “me first” soundtrack blaring, oblivious to anyone else’s tune? You’ve probably bumped into at least one of these self-absorbed maestros—maybe it’s that coworker who drops “That’s not my problem” like a mic, or the friend swift to declare, “You’re way too sensitive.” Honestly, dealing with someone who’s got self-centeredness dialed up to eleven can feel like a cosmic test of patience—not unlike Mercury doing a retrograde dance just to mess with your day. But here’s the kicker: these everyday phrases they toss around? They aren’t just annoying catchphrases, they’re red flags waving wildly in the storm of human interaction. So, while these selfish souls march to their own beat, often stepping on the toes of those around them without a care, it’s crucial to spot the signs before you’re caught in their selfish spiral. Ready to decode the 11 phrases that might just signal your worst nightmare disguised as “normal”? Let’s dive in and arm you with the wisdom to navigate these ego-driven encounters like a pro. LEARN MORE.
Everyone’s had the misfortune of dealing with a selfish person at some point in their lives. Whether it’s a coworker, a partner, or a friend, there are phrases that deeply selfish people use regularly, which most people don’t think too much about, but are a red flag. While it might be sad to hear it, there’s no denying that selfish people march by the own beat of their own drum.
Even if it hurts those around them, selfish people don’t seem to care. As long as they’re thriving and benefit from the words they use to guilt-trip others, then who cares how awful it makes their friends and family feel? This is why people should be wary of those who use these 11 phrases. While they might claim it’s innocent, people who use these regularly might be your worst nightmare.
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They love saying this when someone needs help, but only if that someone isn’t them. Selfish people shut down any request that doesn’t directly benefit them. Whether it’s their friend who’s stuck in a pickle or their coworker who could use some help, deeply selfish people don’t care. In their eyes, if it doesn’t impact them, then how is it their concern?
And sure, they’re right to think this way, as let’s face it: most people operate from self-interest. Still, there are certain people regular people don’t do this to, namely, people that they know in real life. So, while selfish people think they’re just like ‘everyone else,’ think again.
Only a truly self-centered person would disregard their loved one’s feelings in favor of their own self-interest, or lack thereof. This isn’t ideal, as a study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that emotional invalidation predicts affective distress. Still, selfish people don’t necessarily care, which is why they often use this phrase.
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When a selfish person tells you that you need to chill out, it really means, “I hurt your feelings, but I don’t want to take responsibility.” It’s an easy way to flip the script and make you feel like the problem.
There will always come a point at which even the most patient person out there’s going to ‘crash out.’ While others may not fully understand them, most people can grasp the perspective that everyone is human and deserves a bit of grace and understanding. Sure, in a selfish person’s mind, they might be thinking, ‘this person is doing too much.’ However, sometimes, it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself; otherwise, you risk upsetting those closest to you.
At first, it might not seem like such a big deal, but according to assistant clinical professor Jason Shimiaie, M.D., “When feelings are consistently brushed aside or ridiculed, people may learn to suppress their emotions or question their own reality. Over time, this can fuel anxiety, depression, or interpersonal difficulties.” So, while selfish people might think they’re just speaking their mind, they might want to think again. Invalidation of feelings is hurtful, and while someone can be honest, they can equally be understanding and respectful.
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In any relationship, there’s a give and take. Despite this, there will always come a point at which someone gives more than they take and vice versa. Even when they do something nice, there’s always a string attached. With selfish people, every favor is just a future guilt trip in disguise.
Sorry, but doing something nice for someone doesn’t constitute a natural obligation to them. Whether it’s a professional relationship or a romantic connection, doing something to get something out of it is wrong. Namely, it can make that person feel exploited and disrespected, causing long-term damage. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, feeling disrespected is associated with increased aggression. So, while deeply selfish people might not see anything wrong with their behavior, they should think twice. Operating from this mentality isn’t a good look for them or their reputation.
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This is their go-to line when they get called out. Instead of owning up, they throw a pity party to dodge real accountability. In life, someone is bound to be both the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy.’ Even if someone tries their hardest to remain cordial and respectful to others, there will come a point at which people are the ‘villain’ in someone’s story.
That being said, it’s important not to play the victim and instead, learn from those mistakes. According to counselor Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, Ph.D., “Mistakes can be chalked up to experience, and from these life events, we can become wiser—that is, if we learn from our slips and apply what we learned to future situations.” Unfortunately, not everyone wants to grow and evolve as a person, and a phrase often used by deeply selfish people is, “I guess I’m the bad guy now.”
Now, don’t get it twisted: it sucks to be the bad guy. If given the option, most would prefer to be the good guy and save face in front of others. However, this isn’t the way life works. In all honesty, constantly playing it safe and being a people pleaser is arguably worse than making a mistake. Still, this doesn’t mean people should play victim and not take accountability. If someone truly wants to grow and develop as a person, then reflecting on their actions and avoiding defensiveness is important.
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Classic manipulation. They turn your boundaries into proof that you don’t love them enough. It sucks, but not everyone can meet people’s needs, regardless of the type of relationship they have with others. From family members to friends, there will come a time when they can’t always do what people desperately want them to. That being said, how someone reacts reveals a lot about a person.
For those who are understanding and don’t take it personally, congrats, they’re a bright green flag. However, if they try to manipulate a situation to get what they want, even when their loved one tells them they can’t, this is a red flag that should have people packing their bags. Especially if they say, “If you really cared about me, you would…”
It might not seem like a big deal, but manipulation and guilt tripping are no joke. According to professor and writer Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., “Guilt-tripping can leave you anxious, confused, filled with self-doubt, and even questioning reality.” So, while selfish people feel convinced in their ways, don’t allow their behavior to fool you. Call it out and always leave if their selfish ways are impacting your mental health.
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Another phrase deeply selfish people use on a regular basis is, “Ugh, I don’t have time for this.” This usually comes out when you need emotional support. To them, your feelings are just another inconvenient task to ignore, but if someone truly cared about their loved one, they’d make time for them.
Even if they don’t want to hear their whining and complaining, it’s what comes with promising to be there for a person. However, selfish people don’t care about promises or anyone but themselves. According to psychotherapist and psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., “Selfish people are not likely to be very responsive to another person in any way other than evaluating how that person meets their needs.” So, while it might sound cruel, selfish people don’t care.
If they’re not directly benefiting from it, or worse, if it becomes a hindrance, then they aren’t afraid to cut people off or completely ignore them. Is it cruel? Yes, but at the bare minimum, through these hard words, their loved ones know exactly where they stand with selfish people.
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If someone grew up with selfish parents or had a toxic partner, then they likely heard this phrase uttered way too many times. It’s unfortunate, but selfish people will always find a way to manipulate a situation to their advantage. They weaponize generosity — It’s not about giving, it’s about control. Even if they have to tear down someone’s self-esteem, they’ll do it just to get what they want.
This is why a phrase deeply selfish people use regularly is, “You should be grateful, I did everything for you.” Now, even if someone were to take what they said as truth, doing something for someone while expecting something in return is more than wrong. Regardless of what anyone says, people are here to give and take without expecting anything in return. Yet, despite this fact, selfish people don’t particularly care. As long as they’re able to manipulate and keep people in their claws, who cares who they hurt, right?
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When you express hurt or frustration, they minimize it. Because if it’s not a big deal to them, why should it matter to anyone else? In typical fashion, most people who are selfish can’t see how their actions impact those around them. Maybe it’s because they don’t necessarily care, but you’ll often hear selfish people complain that they “don’t see what the big deal is.”
Sure, they might be blind and or refuse to see how their actions hurt others. However, just because they can’t see it doesn’t mean their loved ones are blind to it. After feeling disrespected and disregarded for the longest time, selfish people shouldn’t be surprised when they end up alone.
From friends leaving them to partners packing their bags, their selfish actions are bound to have big consequences. According to the American Psychological Association, social isolation leads to “depression, poor sleep quality, impaired executive function, accelerated cognitive decline, poor cardiovascular function, and impaired immunity at every stage of life.” So, while they might’ve won the battle, they certainly will never win the war. Like it or not, people want to feel valued in their relationships.
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Sure, there are certain things people will never change about themselves. Regardless of how others may or may not feel, all people have the right to be who they are unapologetically. From their nerdy ways to their sassy nature, there’s nothing inherently wrong with ‘being who you are.’
However, someone can stick true to who they are while growing as a person. This is why when you hear someone say, “that’s just how I am,” you know they’re one of those deeply selfish people. It’s not a personality trait — it’s a refusal to grow. Selfish people love using this as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Sorry, but if ‘how you are’ is a complete jerk to others, then this isn’t a personality trait, it’s a bad flaw that needs to be changed.
Author, consultant, and coach James M. Kerr continued by writing, “People have the capacity to change. However, they must choose to do the work needed to make change happen.” That being said, while selfish people can’t see the error of their ways, others can. This is why selfish people are so alone in the first place. After all, who can put up with their manipulative and toxic ways in the first place?
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If there’s one frustrating thing about a selfish person, it’s that they apply their experience to everything else. For instance, let’s say they tend to curse a lot — while their partner might not mind it, their friends certainly do. Yet, instead of respecting their friends’ wishes, a phrase deeply selfish people use regularly is, “Other people don’t have a problem with it.”
Sure, other people might not have a problem with it, but they’re not dealing with other people, are they? It should be common sense, but how someone acts around one person might not fly well with another. From how they act at their job to how they act in the comfort of their home, people must learn to put on multiple masks.
Is this annoying and a bit unfair? Sure, in an ideal world, people could be their unapologetic selves without feeling shamed for it. However, as it stands, this is reality, and in the real world, how someone acts should vary from person to person, even if selfish people dislike it.
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Finally, the last phrase deeply selfish people use on a regular basis is, “I don’t have to explain myself.” This is their favorite way to shut down conflict. They get to do what they want, hurt who they want, and walk away without a single explanation. Sure, they might’ve cussed someone out or called someone out of their name, but it doesn’t matter. In the typical fashion of selfish people, they don’t have to explain their actions to anyone.
Even if their actions are clearly wrong, it doesn’t matter. People should be willing to forgive them, even if they’ve done no work to heal or improve as a person. And if someone dares not to forgive them for their out-of-pocket behavior, guess what? It’s the other person’s problem, not theirs, which is why nobody likes to be around selfish people in the first place.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
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