11 Parenting Fails That Turned Social Butterflies Into Wallflowers—Can Astrology Save Them Now?
Added on September 7, 2025 inASTROLOGY CARDS
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Ever wonder if your parents accidentally moonlighted as social skills coaches—or maybe the opposite? Let’s face it, parenting doesn’t come with a manual (not even one scribbled on a napkin during a Mercury retrograde!). We pick up everything from how to manage money to setting boundaries just by watching our folks in action. Sure, they tried their best, but sometimes those “lessons” missed the bullseye entirely. And hey, no shame in that; parenting is a lot of trial, error, and sometimes, accidental comedy. But here’s the kicker — those little missteps can echo loudly in how we connect with the world, especially if we were taught to bottle up feelings or chase perfection like it was the last slice of pizza at a party. Ready to unpack the 11 classic blunders our parents unintentionally made that might explain why social situations sometimes feel like walking on a tightrope? Buckle up, because recognizing these patterns isn’t about blame; it’s about breaking free and finally owning your social groove as an adult. LEARN MORE.
There are many lessons we’ve learned in life that’s come directly from our parents. Things like how to manage money, setting boundaries with people, and learning when to walk away from things that don’t make us happy are skills we learned from watching the way our parents interacts with each other and other people. As much as parents try to instill all of the important things in their kids, they can sometimes miss the mark. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their kids unconditionally, it just means there is no concrete rulebook that parents have to follow. A lot of it is just trial and error.
But whether it’s dismissing their feelings, being overly critical of what they have to say, or focusing too much on perfection, people with no social skills were usually raised by parents who made these mistakes. Being able to recognize the errors your parents made with you when it comes to socializing is less about placing blame on them and just being able to break the patterns, building more confidence for yourself as an adult, especially when those skills might not have been taught at home.
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When parents are constantly stepping in to help their kids with different issues in their lives, it inhibits them from being able to solve it for themselves. From taking over disagreements they might have been having with their friends to just doing their homework for them at the dinner table, parents might have been stepping in too quickly.
While it might have felt helpful in the moment, kids are missing out on the chance to actually problem solve for themselves, which is a skill that’s valuable for the rest of their lives.
“When it comes to more serious issues that may jeopardize their safety, such as bullying or other harmful behaviors, it’s appropriate for parents to get involved. The important distinction is the difference between a child who is unhappy or disappointed about something that is a learning opportunity, and when a child’s safety is at risk,” pointed out marriage and family therapist David Schwartz.
They aren’t being taught how to handle challenges on their own so, as adults, they might hesitate to speak up when something goes wrong or choose to avoid situations where they might fail altogether. They just never learned how to actually advocate for themselves or negotiate with others either.
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People with no social skills were usually raised by parents who made the mistake of mocking their child’s feelings and emotions. Because when kids are met with sarcastic responses, teasing, or a complete dismissal of their feelings when trying to express themselves to their parents, they soon start to believe that their emotions are something to be embarrassed of.
Rather than being able to recognize and identify their feelings, they will start to hide them and sweep them under the rug. But doing this only makes things worse, because as much as we think bottling up our feelings will make them go away, they’ll only end up resurfacing at a later and much more inconvenient time.
It makes it hard for them to connect to other people, because social skills are not just about being able to be in-tune with your own emotions but also being able to notice how other people are feeling too. Building relationships also requires a level of vulnerability that’s taught from a young age. It’s from your parents actually listening to how you feel rather than waving their hand away when you’re upset about something.
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Kids should be learning what it means to actually have boundaries because what feels comfortable for one person might not feel comfortable for another. Without the proper guidance on why personal space really matters, children end up growing up completely unaware of how close is too close for other people. They aren’t learning when it’s an appropriate time to touch someone or how to respect someone else’s comfort zones.
They might end up being the type of person who just stands way too close to someone in line at the grocery store or will constantly interrupt others while they’re speaking, which can end up making people feel uncomfortable. Being able to understand the value of personal space really does impact the kind of relationships we build as adults because no one wants to be around someone who just doesn’t get it.
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One of the most common ways that parents can get in the way of their kids’ social confidence is by making it a big deal when they’re being “too shy.” Growing up, these individuals might have heard things like “Why are you being so quiet?” or “Speak up,” and so, as adults, they may start to feel unsure about their own voice.
Instead of feeling safe to actually participate, they retreat further into themselves because of the words they heard from their parents. When parents are heavily critical of their kids’ shyness, it chips away at their true selves.
“Being shy is not a weakness, a vulnerability, marker of poor self-regard, or an inherent problem. It is a category of normal social behavior and/or temperament shared with about a third of one’s peers,” explained psychologist Kyle Pruett.
Rather than being embraced for their quiet nature, they exhaust themselves trying to be someone they’re not. They think being loud and outgoing will mean they’ll be accepted, even if it feels weird because that’s just not who they are.
Parents should try to be encouraging of their quiet children and celebrate the small steps they make in learning to be more social. Usually, as kids get older, they learn to break out of their shell a lot more and in ways that feel comfortable to them.
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Kids are notorious for learning by watching, so when the adults in their lives, especially their parents, are never able to admit their own mistakes or give half-hearted apologies, that’s how children learn to navigate conflict on their own. Apologizing isn’t just about saying the words “I’m sorry,” it’s also about taking responsibility and learning from the way you’ve hurt someone so that you never do it again.
“How do we teach this different way of thinking about and experiencing apologies? By being it, modeling it, talking about it wherever and with whomever possible — our kids, our own parents, colleagues, friends, coaches, the guy who repairs your car, the customer service lady on the other end of the phone,” adolescent psychologist Janet Sasson Edgette encouraged.
When children never see their parents make a proper apology, whether it’s to each other or even to them, they struggle to recognize as adults when they’ve actually hurt someone and even how to make it right. Rather than addressing the mistakes they might have made, they just ignore them altogether or choose to point the blame to someone else.
That’s why parents should be able to acknowledge the things they get wrong in front of their kids so that they’ll be able to learn what a real, healthy apology means.
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When kids are only being praised for having flawless outcomes but criticized for making even the tiniest of mistakes, they’ll soon start to think that perfection is the only thing they should be producing. Even though perfection is very unattainable and can truly damage a person’s sense of self, it’s hard to shake that if that’s the principle you were raised on.
It ends up spilling over into their social interactions as well, with children being hesitant to try new things for fear they won’t be great at it immediately. When effort is being overlooked, children can quickly develop an intense and often debilitating fear of failing.
Parents should make an effort to point out the fact that at least trying is better than not trying at all. Kids should be taught to celebrate their small steps, even if they haven’t actually moved at all.
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When parents are the ones who make all of the decisions for their kids and actively discourage them from being able to go to do things on their own, they never get the chance to actually practice thinking for themselves. Unfortunately, people with no social skills were usually raised by parents who made these mistakes.
Of course, parents never want to see their children get hurt, but there’s a thin line between protecting them from things that might actually harm them and leaving them unprepared to navigate the world on their own because of how sheltered they were. When independence is frowned upon for them, they aren’t able to learn how to trust their own judgement.
“Whether it’s walking home from school alone, organizing playtime without parents involved, or being responsible for chores without reminders, kids in this generation have fewer opportunities to practice using judgment. When parents are involved in every aspect of the child’s life, a child misses these invaluable experiences,” explained clinical psychologist Ronald Stolberg.
In the same way that parents can potentially keep their kids from making mistakes, kids who don’t learn how to make their own choices and stand on their own two feet will end up relying on others to get things done for them instead. They’ll end up struggling with their own confidence and self-expression.
Independence just means parents allowing their kids to explore their own interests and have their own opinions as that helps with being able to find their voice.
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When children are attempting to share their thoughts or experiences, it can sometimes be hard for parents to maybe understand, but even if they don’t get it, it’s still good to just be a listening ear. Children who aren’t being listened to will start to feel as if their voices really don’t matter at all. They may stop trying to express themselves, which will only make connecting with others that much harder for them to do.
They’ll end up struggling with their confidence because of how often they spent their childhoods feeling unheard by their parents, who are usually the people that we think will always listen to what we have to say. Parents should be making sure that they’re giving their kids undivided attention and actually indulging them with the things they’re saying so they learn just how important it is to be secure in their voices.
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People with no social skills were usually raised by parents who avoided having conversations on difficult topics. Whether it was about their emotions, mistakes, or just sidestepping tough topics because they just didn’t want to be bothered to have them in the first place, avoiding any kind of hard conversation means kids are being taught that it’s not a normal part of having relationships with people.
Children then grow up being unsure about how to handle disagreements, which is such an important social skill to have as adults. You’re not always going to get along with everyone you meet and sometimes you’ll have differing opinions and thoughts than them.
“While it’s natural to assume that learning to manage conflict and heated emotions with peers occurs when kids are playing together, parents help their kids develop conflict resolution, empathy, and social skills at home by helping them understand the ‘why’ hidden beneath negative behavior,” insisted child and adolescent psychotherapist Katie Hurley.
Learning how to properly handle the arguments that may ensue means knowing how to communicate in a healthy way. Children should be taught that bottling up their emotions will not get them anywhere in life, but that has to be modeled by their parents first. By being able to work through disagreements in a calm manner, children learn that conflict is possible to overcome.
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Kids should be given a space where they’re able to explore the new ideas they have and be encouraged to show interest in the world around them. When that’s stifled by their parents and they’re criticized for asking too many questions or butting their head into business that doesn’t concern them, they learn that maybe curiosity isn’t something that’s welcomed.
They become fearful of trying to have meaningful conversations with people as adults because of how quickly their curious nature was shut down by their parents from such a young age.
“While curiosity can lead children into risky behavior, and we must be on alert to keep them safe, our job as parents is to support children’s natural curiosity and their learning process,” explained parenting expert Meri Wallace.
Parents should instead be encouraging their kids to ask questions, and as annoying as it may be, entertaining them and even answering the things they’re curious about to the best of your ability can really sharpen their social skills and make them good conversationalists too.
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When friendships aren’t being encouraged by parents, whether that looks like not allowing them to have playdates or downplaying the importance of the friends they do have, kids miss out on important moments to actually practice their social skills from a young age. They will soon struggle to form bonds that matter and might feel unsure about how to approach others or even just start conversation because they weren’t allowed that from their parents.
Kids learning how to form friendships from a young age truly does impact the way they end up creating friends as adults. It’s just an essential part of adolescence that shouldn’t be ignored or dismissed at all. Parents should be making sure their kids are around other kids, that they’re able to interact with them and create friendships that matter to them.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
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